Who wants a strong marriage? All of us!
This is because we want our lives, our marriage, and our families to count for something. It’s inherent and it’s important. The idea of an enduring love is NOT just a movie narrative, it’s a desire in us and from God.
He created marriage and it was His idea to bring a man and woman together to form a family. He intentionally made both genders different from each other so we would learn, and grow individually and as a couple. He knew men and women would think differently, see differently, and want the same things from different angles. All of this is on purpose, not to test us but to change us in the process of marriage.
When we allow God to work in our lives in marriage, it becomes a place of life change that makes us better and makes us stronger.
Jesus said this about marriage,
“4. Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” 5. And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ 6. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”Matthew 19:4-6
Jesus is showing us the intent of God for our marriages. Now, we know there will be struggles, heartache, and sometimes divorce, and more. But God’s desire for us doesn’t change through our ups and downs. This is His heart for us and this is what we can have.
So, how do we have this in our marriage?
A recent study said that 90 minutes a week of face to face connection, helps a marriage be strong and endure.
This includes dates, talking about family details, and intimacy. So it’s a combination of our weekly flow that the 90 minutes is referencing.
Think about that, 90 minutes a week!
There are 10,080 minutes in a seven-day week, so this is doable but it requires intentionality. If we don’t make time, we’ll lose the time and the moments we could have made.
We can’t wait for it to happen, we must make it happen by choosing to have 90 minutes a week of face to face interaction.
This is why scheduling and prioritizing 90 minutes a week is something we must do as married couples. This helps keep our connection current and growing and stoke the fire with each other.
We can’t expect growth with no investment. Therefore, what we want can happen, when we take time to make it happen!
So, here are three ways to have 90 minutes a week of face to face interaction.
1st – Have a weekly date time.
This seems to be hard at our current pace, but with over 10,000 minutes a week, we can make it happen.
This is why it’s good to schedule it and make it a part of the rhythm of your week. There’s nothing wrong with scheduling dates because it helps that happen consistently. This may seem robotic, but the truth is, romance happens with intentionality in a marriage and not by happenstance.
Too many couples do not have a weekly date time and it impacts the connection between them. I know we’re busy and I know it’s fast-paced but we can make it happen. When we prioritize each other, we’ll be creative in making it a part of our rhythm.
For example, make it a breakfast date or even a lunch date during the work day. It doesn’t have to be at night for a big dress-up production. Those are fun and great, but to be consistent, it may need to look different.
Embrace that and go for it.
2nd – Be intimate weekly.
This can be controversial for a lot of reasons. I get it. But when we choose to serve each other, this becomes easier. Sex is a massive part of our marriages and we can’t ignore, underestimate it, or be resistant to it.
Now I know this topic can have hurt, trauma, pain, abuse, distrust, and more connected to it. There are so many different scenarios and situations with each marriage that it’s impossible to write about all of them.
But I will say, it’s vital that every married couple talk about sex openly. If there’s distrust, let’s talk about it and develop a plan forward for healing. If there are unknown expectations, let’s talk about it. If there are unhealthy expectations, let’s talk about it. If there are hang-ups, let’s talk about it.
Talking about this with each other can be overwhelming, which is why I do think at times having a counselor or a pastor assisting in this conversation is needed and valuable. It’s always good to be open for outside help to give us perspective, support, and ideas to move forward.
God cares about this area of our lives because He made it. He can heal, restore, make new, and bless it in our marriages.
3rd – Prioritize each other first.
This is huge for every married couple. The proper order of our home is that we prioritize our marriage above other things. This includes our kids.
Too many times couples are prioritizing their work, their kids, their money, their extended family, their hobbies, and their friends over their spouse. This is an imbalanced approach to what is most important.
When we get married, our spouse becomes our number one priority under God. Therefore, to have a healthy and enduring marriage, we must prioritize each other first every day.
This connects back to having a date weekly and being intimate weekly.
Whatever and whoever we prioritize gets our attention and energy. So if we’re not prioritizing our spouse first, other things and other people are taking away from what our spouses need.
Of course, this doesn’t mean other people or things don’t deserve our time, devotion, and energy. We know that we have responsibilities that are beyond our spouses. But it does mean that in our priority list, our spouse is first.
So, are you giving your souse 90 minutes a week?
If not, please change this now and move forward with a plan to make it happen.
If you are, keep going, and don’t stop for nothing.
Our marriages can leave a legacy of faith, love, and blessings that last way beyond our lifetimes.
God bless you and the best is yet to come for your marriage!