Have you ever had an argument with someone you loved?
If you’re alive, the answer is yes. Any meaningful relationship will, at some point, have an argument. This is because when you do life together, you talk about real things and go through real things. So it’s inevitable that an argument will happen.
The issue is, what will come from it?
This is where I believe friends, married couples and beyond, get distracted with being right vs. getting it right.
Think about it, our first response in an argument is, I’m right and you’re wrong. We naturally get our defenses up and wall ourselves in our thought, our position and our side. If we’re not careful, this can do more damage in the long run because it’s focused on being right.
But being right in an argument is short term. You can win an argument and lose the war. This is a challenge because there are times when someone is right and someone is wrong. However, being right is not the ultimate goal. Getting it right together is the goal, because when this happens, you can withstand anything that comes against you.
The trick we fall for is, being stubborn about being right, that we miss the moment of growing through conflict. That’s right, we can grow closer in conflict when we focus on the big picture.
God wants us to focus on the BIG picture, the enemy wants us to focus on the small things and prove points doing it.
The small things turn into taking sides against each other, and making our relationships about who is right and who is wrong.
Notice the difference. The big picture leads to serving each other, in love. The small things lead us to serving ourselves.
This is what the Bible says about conflict in Proverbs 13:10,
“Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.”Proverbs 13:10
Notice, pride is the root of conflict; therefore, to defeat pride, we have to focus on getting it right vs. being right.
How do we get it right?
Here’s two things we can do to get it right in conflicts.
First, the goal is unity. Unity doesn’t mean we agree on every point, but rather that we unite on a bigger vision.
In marriage, the goal is longevity, legacy and togetherness that stays for decades. In friendships, the goal is teamwork, carrying each other’s burdens and supporting each other.
When we do this, the subject of the argument comes second to the goal of unity. This means we’re not going to let pettiness linger. We’re not going to harbor resentment, and we’re not going to demand our way.
Unity helps rise above to something bigger, something better, and something that impacts generations that follow us. We must fight for unity!
Second, receive outside help. Outside help means we reach out to a pastor, group leader, or counselor as a trusted person. This doesn’t mean we talk to the wrong people who tell us the wrong things and who, could lead us in the wrong direction.
Receiving outside help empowers us to have a healthy perspective, honest feedback, and another angle of seeing the situation. This is BIG, since we are prone to only seeing our way and our view. This is short sided and can cause damage when it doesn’t have to.
I believe, to be forgiven, we confess to God.
“But if we confess our sins to him (God), he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”1 John 1:9.
To be healed, we confess to others.
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”James 5:16
This is part of the process of being healed when we receive outside help. Something happens when we let the right people in on what we’re facing. This is where light shines on secrets giving, strength, support and healing.
So today, are you trying to be right or get it right?
Life is so much better when we get it right together. This is why we want, and this is what God has for us.
God will meet you there, and he will help you get it right together!
The best is yet to come,