Healthy Family Patterns
Patterns are a big part of our families. Everything in our families is linked to patterns whether good or bad.
What’s wild about these patterns is that many times we don’t know we’re doing life through them. It’s almost like they’re an unconscious part of what we do, how we respond, how we process, and how we function as a family.
This is because we developed them in the formative years of our lives. We’ve absorbed many through our family culture, neighborhood, lifestyle, success, failures, and more. Along the way, these patterns have attached themselves to us from what we know and have seen, and we’ve used them to survive.
The problem is, some of these patterns are not good and they can hinder our families from the purpose God has for us.
But, God can help change these patterns and adopt new ones that help us thrive in our families through Jesus. We know our families are not perfect but they can be healthy!
”Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
Romans 12:2
One version of this verse says it this way, “Don’t copy the behavior and patterns of this world.”
This indicates that God has patterns to take the place of the world’s patterns. Our part is to understand what the unhealthy patterns of our families are and then receive the patterns God has for us.
Here are a few patterns from the world we could have.
Not forgiving each other and holding grudges.
Loving only family members who do something for us.
Doing life for only me, myself and I.
Thinking life is about being better than other families and who has more stuff.
Thinking we have to agree on everything to be close and have a bond.
Avoiding the pink elephant in the room and family.
Only give to others who give to you first.
Only give to others who give to you first.
Letting jealousy and envy exist in our families.
Thinking what happened to you makes you a victim and therefore, people owe you.
These are just a few patterns that are not God’s way and He desires to heal us and then change the patterns we operate by.
One thing I love about Jesus is that He cares so much about every detail of our families, that He wants to help us have healthy patterns.
”The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.“
Psalms 37:23
So, how do we see these patterns change?
The answer is layered but for this blog, I want to focus on His ways and thoughts.
The patterns we’ve adopted from the world are based on our ways and thoughts. His patterns are based on His ways and thoughts. Therefore when we address this issue in our families, it starts with us receiving His ways and thoughts as our own.
His ways and thoughts are found in His word.
For example, here are the patterns I mentioned above done through God’s way and thoughts.
We choose to forgive each other and refuse to hold grudges.
We choose to love our family members no matter if they do something or not.
We choose to do life through the purpose of Jesus both individually and as a family.
We choose to be thankful for what we have and happy for what others have.
We choose to have the highest point of unity be the common ground we build on.
We choose to talk about the pink elephant in the room of our family and move forward in rectifying the issue.
We choose to be givers as a lifestyle even if they don’t give back.
We choose to remove all forms of jealousy and envy in our family.
We choose to let God heal us of what we went through. We are overcomers and our story has been redeemed.
Notice the difference in God’s ways and thoughts versus our own!
When we let Jesus formulate these patterns in our families, it changes our behavior, our outlook, our interactions with each other, how we live, how we talk, how we love, and more. It literally impacts everything!
So, what patterns are you living by that God wants to change?
My encouragement is to acknowledge it, and then ask God for His ways and thoughts in that pattern being done differently. From there begins the practice of walking out this new way of living.
Please know, that this will take time as we navigate ourselves and our family members being retrained in how we live. The main thing is we don’t quit and we give God a chance to move in our lives.
We can do this through Christ and it’s worth it. His ways and thoughts are not only higher than ours but they’re always better too!
I pray 2024 is an amazing year for you and your family, as you move into the new patterns Jesus has for you all.
Have a great week and the best is yet to come,
PD
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